Wall Notes

Writing, thoughts, ramblings, and what makes me laugh

Food City Car – Part Two

Ok, back to the story.

Lone Ranger and Tonto have finally figured out how to turn on their lightning fast steeds. So now their first objective…find Husband, because we now have baskets and can carry more stuff. Their search is met with Husband walking around the corner as his eyes pop out of his head. He is met with the image of two fourteen-year old boys weaving back and forth up the aisle with Ritalin shouting AND pointing, “We have baskets!” He did what any adult would do…he ran. He is now sprinting throughout Food City trying to get all the food. 

Realizing that Husband was trying to avoid them they did what any teenager would do…they tried to find him. In-between their search they decided to play chicken with each other. 

Chicken. Down Food City Aisles. On Rascals. I’ll let that sink in for a moment.

Do you know how long that would take? These are not speedy vehicles. They had to charge them back up halfway down the aisle. 

Husband is not only running like a wild man, he is trying to avoid any Food City Management. He occasionally met Energetic or Ritalin on an aisle. They were either spending twenty minutes trying to back up a distance of four feet because they “saw something and wanted to pick it up and they couldn’t leave their Rascal.” Or they were playing bumper cars trying to make the other person drop what they were holding.

Husband finished, avoided any law enforcement from the Food City PD, and was out the door. Ritalin parked his Rascal and headed for the car. Energetic “needed to take it out to the parking lot” because “his ankle was hurting.” Wife and Reserved have been watching this from the car the whole time. They see Husband running like he just threw a grenade, Ritalin laughing, and Energetic taking a final lap in Indy 500. Everyone gets in the car and Energetic pulls the Rascal up to the door.

“Ok, hop on in Energetic.” said Wife while trying to stop laughing.

“I can’t get in the car.” 

“Yes you can. Just get off your Rascal and jump in.” replied Wife.

“No, I need to slide from my seat into the car. I don’t need to put weight on my ankle.” exclaimed the Teenage Emergency Room Surgeon. “I got it! I’ll turn around and back up to the door.”

Everyone else is now in the car as Energetic is backing up to the door beeping the entire time. Not to mention he drove forty yards away and then started backing up. People are now starting to watch.

As Husband is sitting there, face in hand laughing. He says, “I’m so glad no one is here to see this.” He looks over and notices people rolling laughing in their car in the spot next to them. He looks closer and realizes it’s their best friends. 

Energetic finally target locks the door and slides in and says, “I need one of those.”

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April 24, 2009 Posted by | Ministry, Students | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Food City Car – part one

Tomorrow never seemed so far away! It’s been those type of weeks when life kicks in (and keeps on kicking). I will be putting up some pictures soon. I’ve had many people want to know what happens next and I apologize for waiting so long. This one’s dedicated to you Laura!

I must preface this story, that I did not witness it. It was related to me through two adults (who could not stop laughing an hour after it happened) and three students.

Saturday night of the DiscipleNow all the groups meet at the church for a huge Worship Service. Dave and J.C. did a great job. After it ends  students and adults head out to the cars to go back home. My group came in two cars and we all were heading to the store to get a few things for Ice Cream Sundaes. (Let me back track for a moment). Kati and some of our friends came that Saturday Night to the Worship Service. Ok, I’m back. After the service I was talking with Kati and so one car stayed and waited on me, while the other vehicle left to head to Food City.

The Food City Car (which I will refer to as the FCC from now on) had the husband and wife of the home we stayed in and three teenage boys. The husband and wife are fantastic. Great couple who loves the Lord and teenagers. The teenage boys? They rank: “Reserved”, “Energetic”, and “His father probably invented Ritalin.” Energetic was the one with the hurt ankle (this is important.) Ok the FCC gets to Food City and Husband is going to “run in very fast and gets stuff for Sundaes.”

The moment Husband gets out of the FCC, Ritalin shouts “We can help!”

So he slides open the door and hurries to catch up with Husband with Energetic limping behind because his ankle looks like an raccoon was stuff inside an ankle warmer. 

Reserved stays in the FCC with Wife and says, “Oh no.”

Husband has one thought on his mind, “Hurry and get in and out before they get into Food City.”

Ritalin is waiting at the sliding door for Energetic to hurry up. Energetic finally gets there and they both hurry inside as Husband is jogging down the aisle grabbing food off the shelves faster than Brittney Spears can make an annulment (dated I know, but it’s funny). Energetic stops before stepping in the store. Now this is a time in life when wise choices really takes a back seat. What it takes a back seat to, I honestly have no idea. This is a time when commercial after commercial slowly ingrains the thought “I need one of those.” Energetic spots a group of Food City Rascals. 

He stares at them like a five-year old staring at his presents on Christmas morning. “Hey Ritalin! We need these.”

Ritalin walks back over and says, “Yes we do.”

So Butch and Sundance saddle up on their four-wheeled, basket equipped, never will break the Clap-Barrier Food City Rascal. 

I never understood the idea of a Rascal in a grocery store. I know they are to help people who can’t or are unable to walk. Just out of observation these things are pretty low to the ground. I mean, all it needs is some ground affects, flames on the side, all sixteen switches, and “Dixie” to play every time it backs up. Being low to the ground the rider has a maximum height of four feet. Most all shelves are over six feet tall. Unless your grandmother was half octopus, you’re going to find some difficulty snagging your Captain Crunch. Oh, and let’s not forget you practically have to tip the thing over to reach for anything on the bottom shelf. Heaven forbid you pass by your favorite Pop Tart and make a “Youie” into a eight-year old trying to grab Chicken Noodle Soup (because Hannah Montana told her to). A normal trip to Food City for a slow walker is a good hour and a half. A trip mounted on your plastic low rider is nine and a half hours.

April 24, 2009 Posted by | Ministry, Students | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Medical Training…

Yes, it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. The world of sickness, leading a DiscipleNow at our church, and then speaking at a DiscipleNow at my Youth Pastor’s church in Knoxville.

I always enjoy going to Central for DiscipleNow. Tommy impacted my life in such a promienant way as my Youth Pastor and he has impacted it more as a friend and mentor. I enjoy the people of Central and have been blessed to be apart of their extended church family. I’ve seen students go from 8th grade to college. I’ve been blessed to be included in on some of the milestones of their lives.

With that said: I had a house full of eighth graders for the weekend. Boys and girls. Guys and gals. Loud and Louder. Crazy and silly. I think you got the idea. Inbetween our sessions this past weekend we had free time. We played interactive games, chatted with one another, and just laughed. Well, after our first Saturday morning session our host reminded them there was a basketball goal outside. Apparently all of the students were struggling with a basketball addiction because they shot down the stairs like a 13-year-old girl after Zach Efron.

I get outside to play a few traditional games of Knock-Out, when I look over and see one of the eighth grade boys sitting down with his shoe off.

“What happened to you?”

“I hurt my ankle.” he replied.

I now reverted back to an ignorant new born with my next question.

“How did you hurt it?” (I know I know)

My blindness to the obvious was too much for him to handle. He was unsure how to answer.

“Ummm…playing basketball?”

“Oh.” I replied somewhat surprised for reasons I can not figure out. “It cant’ be that bad. You’ve only been out here a few minutes.”

“But it’s huge. It’s swollen.” he replied back staring down at his foot.

“You lie.” I said as I walked over. “It’s never as bad as you…GOOD GRACIOUS THAT’S HUGE!!! IT’S LIKE BIGFOOT LET YOU BORROW HIS SLIPPERS!!”

“I told you.”

“Boy that shoe is never going back on your foot!” I said with an apparent disregard for any opportunity to encourage.

“I’ll be fine. But do you think it’s that bad?”

“That’s no moon. It’s a space station, Luke.”

At this point, he, like you the reader, stared blankly unaware of my vast knowledge of the sci-fi world and my ability to include it into my daily life at the most opportune moment.

Well, we all walked back inside the house ready for the next session. One of the Host’s and myself were explaining to him how he needed to elevate his ankle and it needed to be iced. We set him up some pillows to keep it raised and she got him a bag of ice to keep on his ankle. All is right in the world.

Halfway through the session the students are talking, discussing, and are really digging deeper into what kinds of decisions they make. As we are talking I turn over and look at this student and his leg is on the floor next to the pillows.

“What are you doing?” I asked

“It’s uncomfortable on the pillows.” he replied.

“The pillows?? Are you serious? Pillows are the definition of comfortable. When you are laying down and you can’t get comfortable, what do you say…I sure wish I had a pillow? Pillows are always the answer. What do say when you can’t sleep well…I couldn’t get my pillow comfortable. It’s always the pillow. What is the reply when you tell someone you can’t sleep…Do you need a new pillow? When you are leaving for a long trip in the car and you have everything loaded and you are sitting in the car about to start it. Why do you rush out of the car and back into the house…I forgot my pillow!!! Pillows were created out of discomfort. If we had more pillows in this world there would be less war! Your ankle is uncomfortable because it’s the size of a watermelon on steroids. Don’t blame the pillows.”

“Well it’s cold too.”

“That’s the point. The cold we keep the swelling down. Now put it back on the ice.”

“I can’t stand it. My ankle is turning blue.”

“Oh it is not.” I again said as I leaned over for a better view. “It’s just your imagina…HOLY COW LOOK AT THAT ANKLE!!! IT’S LIKE PAPA SMURF IS STRAPPED TO YOUR ANKLE WITH BLUE DUCT TAPE!!!”

I moved back over to my spot and said, “Just keep it off for ten minutes and put it back on.”

In case you are wondering the swelling did go down, but he walked with a small limp in his step.

Later that night he was taken to Food City…you’ll find out what happens tomorrow.

April 7, 2009 Posted by | Ministry, Students | , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments