Wall Notes

Writing, thoughts, ramblings, and what makes me laugh

The Church Office – Part 1

We had our DiscipleNow Retreat a week ago. The theme was being and imitator of God and not an imitator of man. I few friends and I decided to get together and put together a parody of The Office.

Here is part one. Let me know what you think.

April 7, 2010 Posted by | Video | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

VBS Part 2

Since I informed everyone on the concept of VBS a couple of days ago, I won’t bore you with the descriptions again. One of the things that the kids love to do was play on a playground. Of course! How simple. The playground sounds like a great idea. What could possible happen on a playground, right?

Our church as the typical playground setup. Large fenced in area. Swings. Slides. Jungle Gym. See-Saw. A few things I have no idea what they are, and something that I refer to as the Roller Coaster of Doom (more on that in a moment). Everything is spread out with lots of room to play and it is all smothered with tons and tons of wood chips.

Call me old fashioned, but when did substituting razor sharp lumber for nice green grass become the norm? Almost every playground in the South does it. Did someone believe the slim chance a kid broke his leg jumping out of a swing would be down played by the 8 foot piece of kindling that now has pierced his abdomen? Do we need to deter kids crawling on the ground that much? I suppose hanging upside down on a Jungle Gym lacks some luster unless we up the ante with the possibility of a child getting impaled by Paul Bunyan’s splinter.

Just an observation.

Ok, now I’ve led the children to the promised land and they are having fun and going crazy. I work with teenagers. I don’t go to the playground or rarely even pass by it. I’m quite impressed with our set up. I have flashbacks of fun times I enjoyed when I was a child as I pull out a limb that is now submerged into my ankle. I scan all of the “equipment” and pause on something I have never seen before. I’m not sure what it’s called or why it would have been invented.

See for yourself:Playground

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                Roller Coaster of Doom.

Surely this was invented by someone who despised children. Perhaps it’s part of an Evil Mad Scientist plan to control the world. Possible evidence of an Alien invasion? Or maybe someone wanted to plant a memorial to their pet snake. Who knows. While I stared as this harbinger of the Emergency Room I thought about all the places that proved to be the most dangerous.

Playground Problems

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                              It doesn’t end with structural problems. What if they cut corners during the construction of this monstrosity? What if it was made out of copper and a storm passed through?

 

Playground Fire

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                And considering the red and yellow colors used, what if it attracted the lava people who live below our earth’s crust? What if the mixture of colors is insulting to them?

 

Playground Fire People

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                        I guess I’m just a worrier.

August 5, 2009 Posted by | Children, funny, Ministry | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Gleaming the Cube

Well the support for me has been unanimous…I’m in trouble. Clearly I should never run for a political office against my wife. Kati has pulled the popular vote PLUS dominated the electoral college…and she didn’t have to say one word! 

Yes, I am here to update you on the status of Momma Dog and her baby. On Tuesday I went out to feed them after I walked home.  But upon my return to the church with a bag of food there were three little 6th Grade boy skateboarders (skaters, s8ters, skate zombie, and skate rat). For those of you whose skateboarding knowledge is limited to what Christian Slater told you in 1989, have no fear. I’ve played Tony Hawk’s Underground probably once or twice, so I’ll walk you through this. My first thought when I saw these champions of the Half-Pipe was, “Are they giving Mountain Dew to Momma-dog?” As I got closer they responded like most young teenagers would when an adult approached…they tried not to look guilty for something they may or may not have done wrong that day or past week. 

I was about 30 yards away when Momma-Dog and her baby saw me and started running toward me like I was Santa on Christmas morning. They knew I had food. I was just carrying a bag. I have no idea how they knew. It wasn’t a dog food bag. It was a generically unmarked bag with dry dog food in it. I’ve seen this before. It means only one thing…Kati has already gotten to them. I have no idea how she does it. I’m not sure if she texts them, sneaks out while I’m asleep, or clicks a little Morse Code with a flashlight. It’s quite remarkable if you think about it. I will say I was a little surprised when they both were wearing “I heart Kati” t-shirts. 

I’m trying to maintain a positive outlook here, so I led the dogs back around the church to the gym doors (where I fed them before). The whole time we were walking over there Momma-Dog and her baby were jumping up and down wanting the food in the bag. They were sniffing, licking their lips, and I think I heard Momma-Dog ask, “How’s Kati?” but I’m not sure. I look back and I saw Jr. Bam Margera and his two buddies perfecting their Ollies. We get over to the gym doors and I pour out the food. They are all over it! Eating like crazy. They were so excited, they got some dirt on their “I heart Kati” shirts, but I had a Tide-to-go pen so no worries. 

The perfect time to make a getaway is while they eat. I jog around the church and make it back to the main parking lot and our little skaters have moseyed on up the parking lot. 

“Hey what’s going on guys?”

quietly, “Um…nothing.”

“Aren’t you skateboarding?”

confused yet still quiet, “Um………………..yeah?”

I walked up and introduced myself and shook their hands. They opened up a little and told me their names, but still looked guilty for something (got to love those teenagers). I turned to leave and left them with the salutation I leave almost every teenager I’m around, “Great talking to you guys. Be careful and don’t break anything.” I was probably five steps away when one of them said:

“Hey, them your dogs? (yes we live in the South)

“No, I’m just feeding them….you’ll understand when you get married.” 

“Oh, but they’re not yours?”

“No sir.” Then without my control my lovely bride’s thought process sprang forth from my mouth. “Have you been mean to those dogs?”

“N-no sir.”

“Are you lying to me? Because I can tell if you’re lying. It’s part of my job. Plus I can find out who your parents are and call them. Do you want me to do that?” (Thank you Kati. I just gave these 6th graders a ShakeDown like Ice-T on Law and Order.)

“No, we promise! We were petting them earlier and gave them something to drink. They were thirsty!”

Sighing “………..Did you give them Mountain Dew?”

“It’s all we had!”

By this time I knew Momma-Dog and her baby were almost finished eating so I had to run. I sprinted away and got to the house safe and sound. I went into my office in my house (there is a window that faces the church). I opened the blinds and the Three Amigos were skating around and Momma-Dog and her baby were running around them. They all went to the road and Skated over the hill toward the sunset together. Hand in paw scratching their fleas as they went (I’m not telling you who had the fleas). 

I spoke to one of the Skaters at church last night and he is keeping both dogs and is feeding them well. Mamma-Dog and her baby have a home and food (at least for now). Once again, Kati is Happy. The dogs are happy. Little Christian Slater is happy. And I am happy that God’s sense of humor didn’t give us two more dogs.

God Bless us everyone.

March 5, 2009 Posted by | Dogs, Wifey | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

No means no…I think

Well, here I am. I seem to have the same thoughts that most people have when they start up their blog…”I’m starting up a blog?” My goal is update this weekly.

My wife loves animals…let me repeat that. My wife adooores animals, especially dogs. That’s called foreshadowing…it will help you out later on in the story. We live near the church where I work. Actually we live across the parking lot from  the church. It keeps things interesting. Well for some reason this Sunday, every dog in a 40 mile radius decided they wanted a little more information on Church membership. Maybe a cat forgave them for trying to eat it. Perhaps hitting that mid-life crisis of 6 has forced them to reflect on their choices. Whatever the reason, the dogs have been let out (tasteless pun, I know).

There were dogs jumping. Dogs barking. Dogs sniffing. Dogs playing, but no dogs fighting (sorry Mr. Vick). They were here all day! Our music minister handed them a hymnal, but alas, they prefer that contempary worship with the projection screens. Parents rushed out to avoid the dogs, while children rushed out to pet the dogs.

While the rest of the south was blasted with snow, we unfortunately were missed. *grumble-grumble* But being overlooked by snow does not mean we are left out of the single digit temperatures. We get the benefit of snow-like weather minus the snow and day off work. We thought all of the dogs went home to escape the cold weather. Well that would be a very wrong assumption. A momma-dog and her baby stayed behind to brave the cold outside of the church. They made their way into the courtyard to avoid the cold wind. They apparently were abandoned and left to fend on their own.

Now my wife (remember the foreshadowing?) saw them in the church parking lot on her way home. She circled the parking lot looking at them. I saw her as I fed our two cats (because only one would be lonely). The garage door raised, she pulled in her car, and….”Dear, did you see…”

“Yes dear I saw the dogs. No we can’t keep them.”

She paused, a little surprised that I saw her investigation. “Well can we feed them?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

So, off we go feeding Momma-Dog and her baby. We found them behind the church before visitation started. We tossed a couple of bowls of food on the ground and they ate it up like crazy! Kati was happy, they were happy, and I was happy to help out a couple of God’s creatures.

As we walked back home my wife’s desire to keep these two additions was pouring from her face. My response was a constant “No.” Kati wanted to look for them last night so they wouldn’t be cold. She has class tonight and I told her I would feed them if I saw them. My hope is that they will be gone. God of course has a grand sense of humor. They both came running as soon as I got back to the office. Kati wants to take them to the vet to get them checked out to make sure they are healthy and safe. I of course do not want anymore dogs, at least not two outside dogs.

I have to end this story because I must keep my word to Kati and go feed these two dogs. But I don’t want anymore dogs. I really don’t. Did I mention my wife loves animals. She adooooores animals, especially dogs….boy, I’m in trouble.

March 3, 2009 Posted by | Dogs, Wifey | , , , , , , , | 7 Comments