Wall Notes

Writing, thoughts, ramblings, and what makes me laugh

Trapper Keeper

Hey friends,

Let’s face it, I stink at updating blog posts. I’ve tried to make this a priority but family, job, fiction writing, and art takes my time. So no more apologies or promises of great stories. But the question still remains…What to do about the blog? I could give it up or let it fall into internet limbo. I could use it as a conversation starter: “Hey, I have blog which means I’m awesome.” I could also put random song lyrics to express my Emo and deeply buried angst, but that’s what MySpace is for. My dilemma: What can I put on a blog that requires the least amount of work yet is still interesting and funny?

Cue Trapper Keeper:

Trapper Keeper is pretty awesome, I know. I decorated it with stickers from my high school football team. Don’t hate on the style.

I walked in my office at home, cleaning it as per my promise to my lovely wife, and in a stack of my old art projects lay Trapper Keeper. Now Trapper Keeper is old school. I’m talking when Trapper Keepers had the capability of being the equivalent to a portable Fort Knox. Multiple plastic zip pockets. Cool folders of Cats surfing in Hawaii. Covered in beautiful mountain ranges that would make Lee Greenwood cry a river with Justin Timberlake. Epic before epic was conceived.

Now in Trapper Keeper I kept my drawings. Not just any drawings but creations 20 years old. I opened Trapper Keeper and low and behold before my eyes lay the worst possible crap that anyone could create. Drawings literally that could be confused with the work of a blind, no-armed, serial killer with turrets. Gazing upon these pages of garbage it hit me…Why not share these with the world??? There is a years worth of material here!

Look at that! If paper had tear ducts, it would be weeping for euthanasia!

Now this is something I don’t think I could have handled ten years ago. Now, I think it’s hilarious. My professional desires have always circled the creative (specifically art and writing). I have been blessed to design and sell t-shirts, posters, websites, marketing identities, illustrate children’s books, paint wall murals and personalized canvas paintings. I’ve even had ideas and completed works for a multi-million dollar company stolen and others take the credit. But why focus on the things that I’m proud of and take talent?? It’s time to shine the spotlight on trash that will make a toddler cry.

Each week I will post a dynamic piece of toilet paper that I created as a kid with my commentary on what makes it original and completely horrifying. I will post drawings from Mortified the Trapper Keeper starting from the year 1989! Feel free to jump into the mix with your own observations and insight.

As you can see, the football theme grew to the backside of the Book of Shame. There’s also a Batman band-aid stuck below the bottom middle football helmet. Don’t ask, because I don’t remember why.

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December 8, 2010 Posted by | Art, Books, Drawing, Writing | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Church Office – Part two

Here is part two of Church Office: Imitators!

Let me know what you think.

April 12, 2010 Posted by | Video | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wrong Number

I’m sitting in my office yesterday working on our summer schedule. As I’m working I hear an unfamiliar beeping from my cell phone. I look over and see that I’m receiving an “unavailable” call. Apparently “unavailable” calls or so special they kick out my normal “Meant To Live” ring-tone. But I digress…

The following is my transcribed interpretation of the phone call that ensued:

Me: Hello?

Creepy Man: Yes, could I speak with Jim Carter?

(note: I was surprised to discover former president Jimmy Carter was still alive…and has a Verizon plan.)

Me: I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.

Surprised Creepy Man: *long pause*……*exhales breath very slowly*…Are you sure?

Me: (Little taken aback by the question) Um…yes. You have the wrong number.

Creepier Breathing Man: *short pause*….This is the number I called.

Me: Um…yes, that’s why I answered.

Frustrated Creepy Man: This is his number.

Me: Well, he must have changed it, because this is my number.

Logical Thinking Creepy Man: Ok, well I called 555-1234.

Me: That’s my number.

Matter-of-Fact Creepy Man: No, that’s Jim’s number.

(note: I am now starting to doubt why I answered instead of Jim.)

Me: I don’t know Jim, but I do know this is my number now.

Creepy Sighing Man: *siiiiigh* *pause*

(note: I’m afraid to hang up. For some reason I believe that he will find me.)

Skeptical Creepy Man: ….Alright (sarcastically) I guess I was wrong.

(note: At this point I wonder if I was adopted and my biological father had finally tracked me down. I waited for a “How’s your mother?” or a “Good Gracious! It’s like I’m listening to my own voice.” Also I feel the need to apologize to this man…and I don’t know why. All I did was answer my phone.

Me: Alright.

Somewhat Defeated Creepy Man: *slow exhale* Fine.

Me: Ok.

Have-The-Last-Laugh Creepy Man: I guess I’ll call back later.

Click.

May 13, 2009 Posted by | funny, Life | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Food City Car – Part Two

Ok, back to the story.

Lone Ranger and Tonto have finally figured out how to turn on their lightning fast steeds. So now their first objective…find Husband, because we now have baskets and can carry more stuff. Their search is met with Husband walking around the corner as his eyes pop out of his head. He is met with the image of two fourteen-year old boys weaving back and forth up the aisle with Ritalin shouting AND pointing, “We have baskets!” He did what any adult would do…he ran. He is now sprinting throughout Food City trying to get all the food. 

Realizing that Husband was trying to avoid them they did what any teenager would do…they tried to find him. In-between their search they decided to play chicken with each other. 

Chicken. Down Food City Aisles. On Rascals. I’ll let that sink in for a moment.

Do you know how long that would take? These are not speedy vehicles. They had to charge them back up halfway down the aisle. 

Husband is not only running like a wild man, he is trying to avoid any Food City Management. He occasionally met Energetic or Ritalin on an aisle. They were either spending twenty minutes trying to back up a distance of four feet because they “saw something and wanted to pick it up and they couldn’t leave their Rascal.” Or they were playing bumper cars trying to make the other person drop what they were holding.

Husband finished, avoided any law enforcement from the Food City PD, and was out the door. Ritalin parked his Rascal and headed for the car. Energetic “needed to take it out to the parking lot” because “his ankle was hurting.” Wife and Reserved have been watching this from the car the whole time. They see Husband running like he just threw a grenade, Ritalin laughing, and Energetic taking a final lap in Indy 500. Everyone gets in the car and Energetic pulls the Rascal up to the door.

“Ok, hop on in Energetic.” said Wife while trying to stop laughing.

“I can’t get in the car.” 

“Yes you can. Just get off your Rascal and jump in.” replied Wife.

“No, I need to slide from my seat into the car. I don’t need to put weight on my ankle.” exclaimed the Teenage Emergency Room Surgeon. “I got it! I’ll turn around and back up to the door.”

Everyone else is now in the car as Energetic is backing up to the door beeping the entire time. Not to mention he drove forty yards away and then started backing up. People are now starting to watch.

As Husband is sitting there, face in hand laughing. He says, “I’m so glad no one is here to see this.” He looks over and notices people rolling laughing in their car in the spot next to them. He looks closer and realizes it’s their best friends. 

Energetic finally target locks the door and slides in and says, “I need one of those.”

April 24, 2009 Posted by | Ministry, Students | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Food City Car – part one

Tomorrow never seemed so far away! It’s been those type of weeks when life kicks in (and keeps on kicking). I will be putting up some pictures soon. I’ve had many people want to know what happens next and I apologize for waiting so long. This one’s dedicated to you Laura!

I must preface this story, that I did not witness it. It was related to me through two adults (who could not stop laughing an hour after it happened) and three students.

Saturday night of the DiscipleNow all the groups meet at the church for a huge Worship Service. Dave and J.C. did a great job. After it ends  students and adults head out to the cars to go back home. My group came in two cars and we all were heading to the store to get a few things for Ice Cream Sundaes. (Let me back track for a moment). Kati and some of our friends came that Saturday Night to the Worship Service. Ok, I’m back. After the service I was talking with Kati and so one car stayed and waited on me, while the other vehicle left to head to Food City.

The Food City Car (which I will refer to as the FCC from now on) had the husband and wife of the home we stayed in and three teenage boys. The husband and wife are fantastic. Great couple who loves the Lord and teenagers. The teenage boys? They rank: “Reserved”, “Energetic”, and “His father probably invented Ritalin.” Energetic was the one with the hurt ankle (this is important.) Ok the FCC gets to Food City and Husband is going to “run in very fast and gets stuff for Sundaes.”

The moment Husband gets out of the FCC, Ritalin shouts “We can help!”

So he slides open the door and hurries to catch up with Husband with Energetic limping behind because his ankle looks like an raccoon was stuff inside an ankle warmer. 

Reserved stays in the FCC with Wife and says, “Oh no.”

Husband has one thought on his mind, “Hurry and get in and out before they get into Food City.”

Ritalin is waiting at the sliding door for Energetic to hurry up. Energetic finally gets there and they both hurry inside as Husband is jogging down the aisle grabbing food off the shelves faster than Brittney Spears can make an annulment (dated I know, but it’s funny). Energetic stops before stepping in the store. Now this is a time in life when wise choices really takes a back seat. What it takes a back seat to, I honestly have no idea. This is a time when commercial after commercial slowly ingrains the thought “I need one of those.” Energetic spots a group of Food City Rascals. 

He stares at them like a five-year old staring at his presents on Christmas morning. “Hey Ritalin! We need these.”

Ritalin walks back over and says, “Yes we do.”

So Butch and Sundance saddle up on their four-wheeled, basket equipped, never will break the Clap-Barrier Food City Rascal. 

I never understood the idea of a Rascal in a grocery store. I know they are to help people who can’t or are unable to walk. Just out of observation these things are pretty low to the ground. I mean, all it needs is some ground affects, flames on the side, all sixteen switches, and “Dixie” to play every time it backs up. Being low to the ground the rider has a maximum height of four feet. Most all shelves are over six feet tall. Unless your grandmother was half octopus, you’re going to find some difficulty snagging your Captain Crunch. Oh, and let’s not forget you practically have to tip the thing over to reach for anything on the bottom shelf. Heaven forbid you pass by your favorite Pop Tart and make a “Youie” into a eight-year old trying to grab Chicken Noodle Soup (because Hannah Montana told her to). A normal trip to Food City for a slow walker is a good hour and a half. A trip mounted on your plastic low rider is nine and a half hours.

April 24, 2009 Posted by | Ministry, Students | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When Sleeveless Shirts were cool

This is beyond impressive.

Thank you Shayne.

March 11, 2009 Posted by | Video | , , , , , | Leave a comment

The most important meal of the day

I can’t get this tune out of my head!!

I hope you all enjoy. It’s even funnier if you’re eating a bowl of Captain Crunch.

March 9, 2009 Posted by | Video | , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Revolution

Here is a new Comic Strip I’m working on. It’s rightfully titled: “Rocks Are Jerks.”

Hope you all dig it!

raj-issue-1medium

March 6, 2009 Posted by | Rocks Are Jerks | , , , , | 3 Comments