New Location

Hey friends,

It’s been forever since I’ve posted. I’m now at a new location: http://timjasonwallis.blogspot.com/

Make sure you join me and I promise more postings to come.

Snow Days

I’m in the South.

It’s snowed 8 inches.

That’s equivalent to 12 feet in Chicago.

Lives are paused for a snow day in the South.

I shall return after it has melted.

Viva el snow!

S-Man

A new year. 2011. New day. Fresh start. Old crappy art.

The commitment of family, writing, and work has kept me pretty busy. Maybe my new year’s resolution should be more consistent blogging? Considering I don’t make new year’s resolutions, perhaps that should be my first resolution…probably not.

I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and holiday season. Happy New Year!

Now, for today’s review. If this is your first visit, please refer to Crappy Trapper Keeper Art.

S-Man. Oh how he must be eye candy for the ladies. This sorry use of recycled paper is an amalgam of my early obsessions. Again we have the energy-laser-jet propelled-light show-rocket-feet. This is very similar to Hi-Lo that was posted a few weeks ago. But S-Man does have some distinct individuality. For instance, tiny, protruding spikes on his handsome ankle man cuffs, which (I might add) are delicately mirrored on his dishwasher glove as well.

Clearly S-Man finds himself crammed full of future technology since he has energy-laser-jet propelled-light show-rockets for feet but why keep it so “out there?” Why alienate people with all that future mumbo-jumbo jibber-jab? Let’s connect with our older generation. Enter: The Hook hand. I’m not sure what twisted thought I had (considering I refused to watch scary movies as a child and still not to hot on them now) to chop off the bro’s left hand and attached it to a Jack-in-the-box that’s stuffed into his hat. Clearly I have a deep seeded opinions on pirates and their personal accessories. Hook handed pirates are people too. Wait, that could be a great idea. A movie about pirates. Not just any pirate, but a pirate with a missing hand. It could be the driving theme. Think about it…a pirate movie where the major plot line is centered around a body part! No, that’s a terrible idea.

To sum up, S-Man, with his terrible Batman like cape and belt, “S” symbol that looks like something Zorro created, his abnormal sized neck (which brings serious concerns to whether his father was a giraffe), and his sheer overall craptasticness deserves one hook hand up!

What say you?

As always feel free to share your thoughts, observations, additions and subtractions.

HILLO

If you’ve ever wondered if Inspector Gadget had a secret love-child with Rosie the Robot and if that baby was dropped on its head everyday for 20 years while teaching it to smoke….then today is your day!!! Get ready for a big ole curiosity sandwich filled with wonder and awesome!

Here is the first in my series of Crappy Trapper Keeper Art. In case you’re new just click on the link for all the info.

This is the earliest of the bunch. Circa: 1989. Tim Burton’s Batman came out that summer. My oldest brother graduated from high school. It was a good year…until I picked up a pencil.

I have no title for this one. I will simply call it “HILLO” (pronounced Hi-Low). Bask in my child prodiginess.

This begins a series of android-esque people. Some reoccurring themes to take note of:

1. No feet or legs.

2. Some sort of hat or head apparatus.

3. Really terrible drawings created by a monkey with no hands or feet.

Here are some of my thoughts and reflections…

For some odd reason I always started drawing people at the waist. This clever technique always left them with giant abnormal feet and legs and heads smaller than sewer rat (yet again another TMNT reference).

Enjoy and feel free to point out your favorite observations.

Trapper Keeper

Hey friends,

Let’s face it, I stink at updating blog posts. I’ve tried to make this a priority but family, job, fiction writing, and art takes my time. So no more apologies or promises of great stories. But the question still remains…What to do about the blog? I could give it up or let it fall into internet limbo. I could use it as a conversation starter: “Hey, I have blog which means I’m awesome.” I could also put random song lyrics to express my Emo and deeply buried angst, but that’s what MySpace is for. My dilemma: What can I put on a blog that requires the least amount of work yet is still interesting and funny?

Cue Trapper Keeper:

Trapper Keeper is pretty awesome, I know. I decorated it with stickers from my high school football team. Don’t hate on the style.

I walked in my office at home, cleaning it as per my promise to my lovely wife, and in a stack of my old art projects lay Trapper Keeper. Now Trapper Keeper is old school. I’m talking when Trapper Keepers had the capability of being the equivalent to a portable Fort Knox. Multiple plastic zip pockets. Cool folders of Cats surfing in Hawaii. Covered in beautiful mountain ranges that would make Lee Greenwood cry a river with Justin Timberlake. Epic before epic was conceived.

Now in Trapper Keeper I kept my drawings. Not just any drawings but creations 20 years old. I opened Trapper Keeper and low and behold before my eyes lay the worst possible crap that anyone could create. Drawings literally that could be confused with the work of a blind, no-armed, serial killer with turrets. Gazing upon these pages of garbage it hit me…Why not share these with the world??? There is a years worth of material here!

Look at that! If paper had tear ducts, it would be weeping for euthanasia!

Now this is something I don’t think I could have handled ten years ago. Now, I think it’s hilarious. My professional desires have always circled the creative (specifically art and writing). I have been blessed to design and sell t-shirts, posters, websites, marketing identities, illustrate children’s books, paint wall murals and personalized canvas paintings. I’ve even had ideas and completed works for a multi-million dollar company stolen and others take the credit. But why focus on the things that I’m proud of and take talent?? It’s time to shine the spotlight on trash that will make a toddler cry.

Each week I will post a dynamic piece of toilet paper that I created as a kid with my commentary on what makes it original and completely horrifying. I will post drawings from Mortified the Trapper Keeper starting from the year 1989! Feel free to jump into the mix with your own observations and insight.

As you can see, the football theme grew to the backside of the Book of Shame. There’s also a Batman band-aid stuck below the bottom middle football helmet. Don’t ask, because I don’t remember why.

The Surprise Party

Hey Friends,

Tennessee Wesleyan College (TWC) in Athens, TN recently hosted a play writing competition in which 10 plays were selected for production in the “TEN for TENN” Play Festival. The criteria is 10 short plays of a length of 10-15 minutes with some sort of connection to Tennessee. I’m telling you about this because I won a slot in the winning ten. The name of play is called a comedy called “The Surprise Party.” I hope everyone in the listening area will stop in on one of these dates to watch all 10 of these great plays.

The performance are:

October 28th – 31st, 2010

November 4th – 7th, 2010

Time: TBA

Here’s My Card…

Going through Jr. High and High School I had four guys I would consider my best friends. We were always out running around together. We spent hours upon hours playing basketball at my house and a few of the local parks. We practiced plays and drills like crazy. We had zero aspirations of playing college ball but a “sweet victory” over some local punks at City Park was enough to satisfy our egos. We played until the sun went down and the game usually continued for a few hours after that (as long as dad allowed me to turn on the flood lights).

We shared many conversations during those basketball games and even more when they were over. We talked about girls, school, jobs, families, other people, church, our mistakes, our hopes, and girls. I can honestly say I probably had the biggest laughs of my teenage years during those times. We made fun of each other. We laughed about girls we had dated. We were shocked at our similar teenage parental struggles and we pretty much figured out life and all of it’s problems (if only I had transcripts of those conversations!).

Of course there were times when we got mad at each other (some because of basketball related “fouls” or a losing streak). We did what most teenage guys did…we didn’t talk about it and hung out with the other guys in our group until we forgot what we were mad about. We all shared a similar sense of humor but different enough that we could catch each other off guard.

Humor is really the point of this post. I was going through a desk at my parent’s house and found a birthday card that one of my above compatriots purchased me. I’m not sure which birthday it was but I know it was 15-17 years range. I’m not sure why I kept it but I think, somewhere deep in my subconscious, I knew someday there would be an outlet to share this with the world.

Without further adu:

Here is the front…

And the inside…

In case you are at all curious, “YF” stands for “Your Friend.” We were already using texting shorthand before it was mainstream popular. Another reason we were so cool.

Now, I’ve blacked out the name for security purposes. He could be a United States Senator now, but I’m not telling.

Church Office – Part two

Here is part two of Church Office: Imitators!

Let me know what you think.

The Church Office – Part 1

We had our DiscipleNow Retreat a week ago. The theme was being and imitator of God and not an imitator of man. I few friends and I decided to get together and put together a parody of The Office.

Here is part one. Let me know what you think.

A Look into Publishing

Just found a great article about publishing over at Generality.

If you crave the life of a published author it is definitely a must read:

http://www.genreality.net/the-reality-of-a-times-bestseller

Write on, Writer!